But when you work your ass off, studying 20+ hours, and then find an exam filled with tricky and confusingly-worded questions, it makes you think how deranged chemistry is. For every question I missed for my most recent exam, a part of me died. Because I realized that they were all the "easier" questions, and if I'd been given more time or put more thought and focus, I could have gotten them right. Worst part: all my second choices for the questions I missed (it was a multiple choice exam) were actually the right answers. I could have gotten a 98% if I had gone with my second choices. And at this moment, chemistry is the worst thing that has happened to human beings. So here is my solution: kill it. And I even went a step further to provide 99 ways to kill this psychotic, happiness-stripping subject. For anyone who would want to try it:
1) Burn it.
2) Put it in a centrifuge machine without paying attention to safety measures like closing it properly. Get out of the room before turning it on.
3) Mix chemistry with antimatter. Science killing science - that's brilliant.
4) Sit on it.
5) Make a fat person sit on it.
6) Feed it a poisonous fungus.
7) Run it over with a car, bike, and scooter.
8) Put it in blender. Turn on all switches to the highest power possible.
9) Flush it down the toilet.
10) Tell Voldemort that chemistry is better than him. He'll kill chemistry for you. He'll probably kill you too, but at least you'll be a hero to future generations.
11) Put in a rocket aimed at a distant galaxy or star. Then, leave it there.
12) Dump in an orthophosphate-ridden body of water. Hah...your teachings are leading to your own demise, chemistry.
13) Eat it. Biological processes in the body are sure to destroy it.
14) Starve a couple of fat people. Put chemistry on floor in front of said fat people. Place cake a little farther away. Stand back and watch chemistry get destroyed.
15) Place inside a bomb calorimeter. Refer to #12 for snide comment.
16) Obtain a serial killer. Keep yourself out of reach of serial killer while handing him/her a knife and chemistry. Watch.
17) Shake it a lot.
18) Place next to Andrew Garfield. Chemistry will destroy itself out of shame for not being able to match the pure awesomeness of Andrew Garfield.
19) Throw into air. It will fall down inevitably, but keep doing it. The higher it is thrown, and the more often it is thrown, the sooner it will die.
20) Put into a special container that can fuel itself and survive in extreme conditions. Send to the core of Earth. Then, prompt the container to open itself, release chemistry, and thereby eradicate chemistry.
21) Dance/jump on it for a really long time.
22) Show it a mirror. It will commit suicide after this.
23) Put it in an extremely high pressure container.
24) Put it in a vacuum.
25) Put on floor and run a vacuum cleaner over it.
26) Put in a pinata and present to sugar-deprived children.
27) Ask Andrew Garfield to smile at it. It'll be one of the more pleasant options.
28) Turn into a Howler (Harry Potter reference). It will destroy itself.
29) Cover with human blood and flesh and give to zombie.
30) Connect to a paper clip. Stick the paper clip into an electric socket.
31) Hand to a woman in labor and tell her it is a stress ball.
32) Feed to a shark.
33) Make it listen to Lady Gaga on repeat.
Ok, I'm getting a little tired. And hungry. And I have to study for two more finals. I just took my chemistry final today. I'm sure to feel just as much hatred when I find out what grade I got on the final and for my overall class, so I will continue with the other 66 ways to murder chemistry later when I have more time.
Thank you for tuning in, and be sure to try one of these if you feel just as much disgust for this subject. Most of them cost little to nothing. Enjoy!
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| Sums it all up pretty well. |
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